My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
