Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
