When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
