He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He felt like a one man threesome
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
