Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
