I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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