wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
