I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
