Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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