im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
