dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
