Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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