hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
