i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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