6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
