Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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