weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
