Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I enjoy the company of your penis
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
