She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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