I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
