pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
