i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
