hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
