I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
