marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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