dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
