just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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