careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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