Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
And then my night got REAL pukey
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
