I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
