sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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