another moral hangover. fuck.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
