I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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