I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
