Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
