I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
