Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
