I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
it hurts more in the daytime
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
