i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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