I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
