The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
