We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
