Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
