Nicole vs. Life
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I could make wine with my vomit
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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