i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just want to make out with him forever
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
