it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
