i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
