It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
