like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
