So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
that is very illegal...i love you.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
