Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
