The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
