My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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